We’ve all been there: we meet someone we really liked but wasn’t quite sure how to ask them out.
The prospect of asking a person out that we’re interested in is one that has terrified for decades, mainly because of the possibility of rejection accompanied with vulnerability.
This fear can often overshadow the actual asking, and can lead it to either never happen or to be a very awkward encounter.
My high school experiences did not exactly build my dating confidence, and I’ve faced rejections, but by taking these steps and tips, you can finally ask out the person you’ve wanted to, or at least have it be a smooth encounter.
#1. Evaluate your motives.
Most people I know are all in quite a rush to be in a relationship, and they fear that being alone is the worst thing that could happen to them.
This usually results in awkward and rushed attempts at dating people who they don’t truly like just so they can experience the security and comfort of being in a relationship.
Before you ask someone out on a date, make sure you really like that person and not only the idea of them.
Ensure you truly like them because of their personality, if you already know the person you’d like to ask. If you don’t know them, strike up a conversation and get to know them to find out who they are as a person.
#2. Avoid calling it a date.
Once you’ve worked up to actually asking them, try to avoid referring the date as a date.
This idea seems silly, but especially for younger people, dating in our culture is strange and can be filled with pressure because there is so much that could stem from it.
Calling the outing a date leads to higher expectations, making both parties feel more anxious and worried, so it is just best to avoid using this word altogether.
When you’re asking a person out, use simple phrases such as, “Would you like to get coffee?” or “Want to go see a movie?”
If you’re already friends with them, make sure that they understand that this is intended to be a date and dress up for it or bring them a small gift.
#3. Forget any expectations.
This accompanies the whole wild cultural notion and misconception that being single is the worst thing you can possibly be.
Before even asking someone out, we tend to attach our romantic expectations to that person, which is unhealthy and will make it awkward.
Instead of imagining that person as your romantic partner or your wedding day, you need to realize that they could turn into anything or nothing, and be okay with that.
Don’t let this concept stop you from asking, because you could gain a new friend, or you could gain confidence from handling your rejection so gracefully.
Relax, and know that finding someone to be in a relationship with is not the pinnacle and source of human happiness.
#4. Brace yourself.
Do know how to handle rejection when asking because it is always a possibility.
If the person says they are busy but they don’t offer another time, they’re probably not interested, and a form of rejection.
It is always best to handle it with grace so that neither party feels guilty or embarrassed. A simple, “Oh, that’s okay,” and a laugh is a good way to respond.
Though you may be disappointed, know that being rejected in no way reflects your value, and that the rejection may have nothing to do with you at all.
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