Being in a relationship is awesome and it’s very fulfilling if you’re in a healthy one.
Though it’s definitely a great thing, it also requires effort from both parties and there are certain mentalities and actions that will either tear the relationship down or build it up.
Here are some destructive habits that you and your S.O. will have to ditch once you’ve made it official so that your relationship can grow.
#1. Keeping score and keeping track.
Relationships are give-and-take, but keeping track of what you did and what your S.O. owes you is not going to help the relationship. The effort is more than likely not going to be exactly 50/50.
What’s worse than keeping track is keeping score of who wins and loses arguments. Conflict is not about that, it’s about facing and resolving the particular issue together, not against each other.
Practicing either of these things will only put a dent in your relationship and most likely will also hurt you, your S.O. or both.
My boyfriend and I both put in the effort and we don’t even it out in the same area. So for example, whenever he lends me an ear or a shoulder to cry on, yes, I do the same but I also emotionally support him by showing him respect and giving encouragement.
#2. Not speaking up.
Just because you entered a relationship with your S.O. doesn’t mean everything has to go either yours or their way. Not speaking up will give them the impression that you’re okay with it.
It’s important to speak up because if you keep it to yourself, bitterness will be planted and it will only grow to the point where you may blow up and it’ll become a much bigger problem.
Before it gets to that breaking point, choose to voice your opinion or opposing view when it’s necessary, and be sure to pick your battles.
#3. Being passive or indifferent.
You cannot expect your S.O. to do all the work and reap the benefits. You need to be able to put in the effort, and be willing to perform genuine and love-filled actions towards them.
There’s nothing worse than feeling like and realizing that either you or your S.O. is doing all the work and not receiving anything in return.
A relationship is a two-way street and if either or neither of you are willing to keep it that way, it may be time to call it quits.
And if your S.O. does something for you, don’t react with indifference, but with enthusiasm or at least an expression of gratitude.
#4. Always assuming the worst of your S.O.
If you’ve been in a relationship with your S.O. for more than three months, there should be some sort of trust formed between you two.
Assuming that that’s the case, when you always assume the worst of your S.O., it reflects how you see them and also it hurts them.
Even in times of hardships, hurts and disappointments, one of the best ways to respect your S.O. is to assume that they didn’t have bad intentions or wanted to deliberately hurt or disappoint you.
This is something that my boyfriend and I are working on improving in this area and we’re helping each other to become better at it, for our relationship.