5 Reasons Pity Dating Never Works

Pity dating usually begins with someone hanging around you, messaging you nonstop, and liking all of your posts. This person clearly showing romantic interest. However, the romantic attraction isn’t mutual on your end.

You feel absolutely nothing for this other person, but you think that you could eventually like them. You could be empathic and feel bad for the person you’re going to reject. Or worse, it can come from thinking there is going to be no one interested because of a lack of self-worth.

Engaging in pity dating can especially begin if the person who wants the relationship claims him or herself as a “nice guy/gal.”

The cringe-worthy term is widely known for someone who begs for their honest intentions to be known but only looks desperate. If you engage in a relationship with this type, my apologies.

Pity dating like any toxic relationship can begin as a small problem that someone believes can be managed well. Then, other issues in the relationship escalate which could possibly cause other matters in life to deteriorate such as family and work.

Here are reasons why pity dating is just a harmful practice and accomplishes nothing.

1. It makes being manipulative and hiding secrets more of a regular activity around others.

In choosing this route to take in life, it is like living a double life. Pity dating involves acting plus doing physical activities you are not thrilled about but do anyway.

By not being genuine with a supposed significant other, you may think it is normal to hide or lie about important aspects of your life. This can even cause paranoia in thinking that everyone has a hidden agenda which could wreck your life. Trust is rare with this lifestyle.

2. The longer it goes on, the worse the results are.

It should be known how engaging in pity dating only hurts both parties.

However, the issue can be compared to an untreated cyst with them both being worse over longer periods of time if untreated. If the other person finds out about your true intentions, finding this out early produces a different result than finding out after years of dating.

This is because you might realize how much time was wasted on something that wasn’t real and how many manipulative tactics were done in order for the relationship to still be considered normal.

3. Being in it adds an unneeded burden to your life.

Dates can be dreadful. Being at a family reunion may seem more enjoyable than a weekend at the beach with him or her. When you’re together, your body is numb or your heart is plagued with guilt.

Any interaction like this is not special and takes time from what you really want to focus on. Always remember that time is an invaluable resource. Use it for what is needed or which adds value to life. 

4. There is more temptation to cheat.

Cheating can be considered sometimes to be taboo. However, a study shows how in an unmarried couple’s relationship there is a 70% chance that cheating would occur. Plus, cheating has never been so easy in the social media age when one could cheat without ever having to leave a room.

Imagine the convenience if you have never been satisfied in the current relationship you are in. With pity dating intentionally being for the other person’s benefit, the whole thing could erupt in worse ways with them finding out about your infidelity.

5. Sometimes, the person who you’re dating will eventually figure out the gimmick.

This is when someone’s intuition convinces them of the truth. The doubt will become too obvious and clear their eyes to see the whole situation as fake. If the other person analyzes the situation, the person will know when someone else is interested in them.

This can go in two directions. The preferable one is that the other person addresses you about your true feelings, asks how you have felt during the relationship, and leaves. The other is that they will stay through this relationship anyway because they don’t think they can find anyone else. 


Pity dating is meant with pure intentions but only causes more emotional distress for all involved. At the core root of it being a possibility, you have control of the situation. You are the one who needs to say no and say this relationship will never work.

The concept sounds promising with the belief that it can make the other person happy. Yet, pity dating should be treated as a fantasy. If you don’t feel somewhat giddy, tongue-tied, or dry-mouthed in the early stages of a relationship, then it usually doesn’t end well.


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