Crushing on someone when you’re currently taken isn’t as uncommon as you might think.
It’s completely normal to crush on that cute co-worker you’ve become acquainted with, or perhaps the server you see every now and then at the restaurant you regularly visit.
When your crush turns to infatuation, then you have a complication on your hands.
But how can you identify an innocent versus a serious crush?
It’s serious if they’re on your mind more than they should be, if you put extra effort into your physical appearance for them, if you suddenly start lying so you can see them, and if you prefer spending time with them over your partner.
You can’t control how you feel, but you can always control your behavior. Here are some ways to manage a crush while in a relationship.
1. Distance yourself.
This is the simplest way to avoid gaining sincere feelings for someone else.
If your interest is in someone you see on a daily basis, don’t necessarily avoid contact, but try to keep your conversations brief whether it’s via text or in person.
Set boundaries. The more you allow yourself to drift apart, the more likely your crush will fade.
2. Question your feelings.
Sometimes, the only way to get to the root of your crush is to question its existence. Is there a specific reason or reasons you’re forming serious feelings for someone else?
Perhaps your crush is better at listening to your concerns. Maybe you feel like you have more fun around them than your partner.
Whatever it is, understanding why you’ve developed feelings will help you address the issue.
3. Weigh out the pros and cons.
Is your crush truly worth ending your relationship for? The answer to this question is vital because it’s the determinant factor of the state of your relationship.
If no, then anytime your crush enters your thoughts, constantly remind yourself that you are perfectly content with your S.O.
If yes, then you have two options. Either end your relationship so that you’re not stuck in a position where you are leading them on; after all, you wouldn’t want someone to stick around if someone else is always on their mind. Or, proceed to the following step.
4. Be honest with your partner and address the issue together.
I know how this sounds, but that’s why this is a last resort.
You may not think it’s the right thing to do because it will more than likely hurt your S.O. and potentially end your relationship. On the contrary, you would be surprised at how a discussion like this can strengthen your partnership.
A confession like this should be approached lightly but ultimately, it’s how you word it. Let your partner know you want to work through this minor obstacle together in the best interest of your relationship.
Your S.O. will surely recognize your good intentions and appreciate your honesty. Sometimes, letting your partner know about your secret crush can free them from your thoughts altogether.