Is It Your Place to Tell Your Friend They’ve Been Cheated On?


Discovering that a friend’s partner is having an affair is a dreadful position to be stuck in.

I mean, who wants to break the news of infidelity and ultimately, be the potential cause of a relationship’s end? What hurts even more is knowing that you were the bearer of bad news and the person who severely hurt your friend.

So, knowing all of this, is it your place to let a friend know that their significant other cheated on them?

Absolutely. As a good friend, it should never be a question of whether it’s your right to be honest about something that’s detrimental to your friend’s happiness.

Here are some things to think about when you are hesitant about letting a friend know.

1. Be certain their partner is cheating.

You don’t want to stir the pot if you aren’t 100% confident about it. There’s a huge distinction between suspicions and facts.

Often times, situations can be easily misconstrued and you don’t want to run to your friend with information that’s questionable.

It’s one thing if you’re distrustful of your friend’s S.O., but if you know for a fact they are cheating, then go forth with telling your friend.

2. Consider giving their S.O. a fair warning.

The best way to intervene without getting involved in the drama is by confronting your friend’s partner.

If you let them know that you’re only looking out for both their—but mostly your friend’s—best interests, they will recognize the respect you’re giving them by standing down and allowing them to confess on their terms.

How often won’t a cheater take a head start in a race to tell the truth?

On the other hand, not everyone will respond kindly to this type of warning so if they aren’t cooperative, be ready to step in.

3. Be prepared to face any sort of consequence.

As close as you might be, sometimes, friends refuse to believe their partner is cheating and that can cause tension within your friendship.

Without concrete evidence, a friend may assume you have some sort of agenda. Even with proof, revealing this type of betrayal, though necessary, can cause resentment over time.

Don’t let this fear stop you from being honest with your friend. If you have a strong relationship with this person, they will eventually acknowledge your good intentions.

Some people believe it’s best to wait for the relationship to end before they reveal the cheating. However, waiting to tell your friend after their relationship has ended will more likely result in resentment or worse.


You have to keep your friend’s best interest in mind.

Think about it this way: wouldn’t you want a friend to let you know if it happened to you? Would you want someone you deeply trust to withhold a secret that protects your S.O. yet deceives you?

By not disclosing this information, you are only delaying the inevitable. If you don’t tell your friend then they’ll probably discover the truth on their own and wind up hurt.

Even if they never find out, you’ll be stuck with the guilt of never letting them know, especially if the relationship results in marriage.

Image: iStock

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