Through the journey of life, we make friends who are there to help us grow and learn.
So, when you find that one person whom you form a deeper connection with, the friend that finishes your sentences, can predict your next move, and even knows when you’re upset but won’t say it—that person becomes your best friend.
As we grow into the people we are meant to be and shed away our past selves, we can sometimes also shed away a connection.
You create a bond with your best friend, one that at the time seems unbreakable, but what we often fail to realize is that while you hope to grow in the same direction and be close forever, that doesn’t always happen.
When do you decide that you’ve grown apart? How do you let go of the one person who knows you better than anyone? The person who has been there for you when you had heartaches, hysterical crying and the 3 a.m. phone calls.
When conversations have a lull in them, you find yourself checking up on them more than they do for you, or when old pictures just become memories of the past, it might be time to say goodbye.
There are many reasons why we grow apart from our best friends—graduate from school, relocate for a job or simply become new people.
Whatever the case may be, it does not mean that you love each other any less. It just means you don’t talk as often, you don’t have the deep connection anymore and in turn, you move on.
As someone who has taken the time to look back on friendships and has a hard time letting go, I have learned a few things to make the loss more understandable.
1. Stop playing the blame game.
When things go wrong in a friendship, the easy thing to do is to start pointing fingers. We look back on everything we’ve done and worry that somehow this was our fault, and that the friendship died because we no longer put the effort in.
You may even begin to wonder if they stopped caring about it too. Having a target allows us to think there’s a tangible reason for what has happened.
That’s just it though, sometimes there is no true reason for drifting apart. Being an adult means growing and moving forward but while the friendship may be gone, the love for that person isn’t. There is no one at fault in the process of becoming the people you each were meant to be.
2. People change and that’s okay.
You’ve had this person there for you at every turn and they may have even seen you at different stages of your life and because of this, it makes it hard to think you two could ever not understand one another.
Change is a part of life and you may just choose different paths of life. The mind that you thought worked as one, is now splitting in two and trying to stay as one may be holding you both back from your full potential.
3. Take time to mourn the friendship.
It’s okay to be upset that you no longer can connect to your best friend.
Your right-hand person is no longer there and the part of your life that was always a constant has been disrupted.
Cry, scream, and hit your pillow. Let out all the anger, sadness, and confusion.
4. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting.
This person was your best friend for a reason. You understood each other better than anyone else could. Cherish your memories, love them wholeheartedly and wish for the best for them always. They will be always be a part of your heart forever.
We make connections with people because something tells us this person is important and they may have something to teach us.
Friendships are there to help you grow. When you no longer benefit one another, and can no longer further your self-discovery, that part of your life may have run its course.
In time, you will find new like-minded individuals. The growth you started with your former best friend will shine in your new friendships and bring out the best version of you.