While breaking up is never easy, there is plenty of room for further heartbreak. A break up can seem like the end of the world, or at least an era, so much so that we forget that there is a harder reality ahead: your ex moving on.
This is not to say that we don’t want to see our exes happy, but getting dumped and seeing your ex with someone else, or seemingly unfazed, isn’t helpful for your self-esteem, mental health, and ego if you’re still muddling through the break up.
So, how can we better brace ourselves?
1. Avoid any triggers.
A friend of mine was dumped, unexpectedly, and her ex moved on rather quickly. She easily learned about his new girlfriend from, for a lack of better words, stalking her ex’s social media. She then bumped into them occasionally because they hung out at the same spots on weekends. Seeing how upset it made my friend, I advised her to avoid anything that will trigger her heartbreak, her anger and sadness.
Block your ex’s social media accounts.
It’s not petty if it’s what you need to cope. You might struggle to move on, and how will you make it any easier for yourself if you have constant access to see what your ex is up to?
Social media also paints a very different picture and can exaggerate the reality of things. Why build something up in your mind to be bigger than what it actually might be?
Avoid mutual spots.
You’re not expected to change your life around after a breakup, but seeing your ex out with someone else or having the time of their life might hurt if you haven’t healed or moved on yet. For the time being, try frequenting places where your ex is unlikely to show.
2. Write to yourself.
This is a coping method that always worked for me. Write to remind yourself of your worth, your strengths, and the good things to come. It has helped me to write about the downfalls of my relationship.
After a breakup, we tend to look back and reminisce the good times, but it helps to remind yourself why it didn’t work out. To remind yourself of what didn’t make you happy in this relationship.
When you are having a moment of weakness or feeling down after a breakup, go read what you wrote to yourself. You’ll be surprised at how easily you can be empowered.
Writing to myself had stopped me from texting an ex and helped pull me out of downheartedness. Reading positive messages about yourself and remembering the things that didn’t make you happy in the failed relationship can really turn your mood around, realizing that maybe this isn’t the worst thing after all.
3. Stay busy.
Distractions, distractions, distractions! Fill your time with things you love to do. Better yet, try new things. Going through a breakup is the perfect excuse to get out there and be active. Staying occupied helps keep your mind off your ex.
Do things that make you feel good. When you feel good about yourself you’re on a terrific path to begin healing. Get out there and try exciting things because before you know it, with enough of your own happiness, you’ll be asking, “What ex?”