Many couples have found themselves in the unfortunate position of disagreeing on serious stuff and they have realized it too late, a great deal after beginning a relationship.
When you fall in love, everything else can easily get placed on a backburner as your eagerness to be with that person becomes almost unmanageable.
But during the season of singleness, establishing personal standards concerning dating before getting into a relationship can save you some heartbreak.
#1. What are your physical boundaries?
This ranges from holding hands to sex. What are your standards on the physical part of a relationship?
Perhaps you might desire to wait until marriage, or you want your first kiss to be something special and intimate, or perhaps you don’t have any hang-ups on PDA, and even embrace showing your affection for each other in public.
You would want to be with someone who shares similar standards or else this part of your relationship will be a strenuous one.
You could open the door to some very uncomfortable situations that will ultimately put a wedge between you.
#2. Whose opinion matters?
There is a selection of people in your life who you trust more than anyone and whose opinion on your choice of a romantic partner, greatly matters to your happiness. They’re the people you’re unwilling to disappoint.
For example, I already know that a potential boyfriend must have my mother’s approval or I will not be happy. I also highly trust and depend on my best friend’s opinion because she knows me better than anyone.
Establish ahead of time who these people are and let them know. This kind of decision in life needs the influence of multiple third parties in order to keep you rational.
#3. What is your religious, political, and moral tolerance level?
If you have strong beliefs, dating someone with differing beliefs can be an issue.
How far are you willing to go with tolerating a difference in beliefs, particularly with religion and politics? If you honestly think that a difference in religion and political affiliation won’t be a problem, then determine that ahead of time.
If you cross paths with someone who is strong in their beliefs and don’t portray great tolerance, then you know they’re not the one for you.
#4. What is your position on marriage and children?
It is wise to rationally contemplate a possible marriage and future with your significant other.
If you’re someone who is not fond of children and has no desire to have any of your own, a future with someone who wants them might open the door to incompatibility and possibly divorce.
If you meet someone and you discover there’s a difference in this area, pursuing a relationship may not be worth the time. Move on to someone who shares your position.
#5. Which dreams and goals simply cannot be compromised?
There’s a reason many experts advise you to find someone who has similar goals as you do. If a relationship demands you to give up on some dreams that you’ve had your heart set on, it’s not a healthy relationship.
Of course, the path to achieving certain goals can be altered with the presence of a S.O. in your life, but as long as it’s still achievable, and as long as they support it, then it can be overlooked.
Before you date, establish which dreams and goals are too important for you to change or give up, even for romance.
Let this be known right away when you start to consider dating someone, and find out what their dreams and goals are. You will be able to identify whether one will still be achievable or not.
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Making these decisions beforehand can not only save you from experiencing painful burdens with your S.O., but it can save you from experiencing them by helping you avoid a relationship that won’t work in the first place.
Discuss these things in the beginning. If they share the same standards, then by all means, move forward. If they don’t, then move on.
Image: iStock
Reflect & Refresh 