The Dangers of Self-Pity


We know how annoying it can be when a friend is having a pity party, where they’re whining about their issues and can’t seem to look past it and accept that it’s not the end of the world.

But true self-pity goes beyond whining and complaining. When self-pity latches onto you, it embeds itself into your soul and psyche.

It becomes a part of your subconscious thought process, and that is a dangerous place to be.

1. You become incapable of empathy.

If you were empathetic before, you’ll lose that virtue when self-pity becomes a part of you.

It makes your problem look worse than those of everyone else, and you’re unable to understand what they could be going through in any given situation.

When your situation looks grave, pause and consider those who are less fortunate than you.

2. You become selfish.

Self-pity puts blinders on your eyes, and you become the center of your attention. Even if your attention is negative, you are still the only thing you can think of.

You can’t seem to shift your focus for one moment to anyone else. Your brain becomes wired to think only about how something can benefit or affect you.

Keep this at bay by regularly doing something for someone else. Keep track of it if you have to.

3. You become bitter.

Everyone and everything suddenly become the reason for your misery.

Self-pity gives you a victim mentality, and so you appear innocent in all your woes. You have to find blame somewhere, and so you become a bitter cynic who hates all.

Remind yourself of the ways people have made your life better, and think of how you can improve yourself.

This doesn’t mean crying about your faults and failures but by looking at yourself in an objective manner.

4. You become impossible to please.

Self-pity puts you in a perpetual state of misery, and absolutely nothing can lift your spirits. Next thing you notice, your friends start to become few and in between.

No one wants to hang out with a whiner or with someone who seems to find fault in everything and can’t stop complaining. You’ll be on the path to a lonely life if you don’t get out now.

Practice keeping your mouth shut when you want to spew a complaint. Look for something good and positive in a person or activity, and focus on that.

5. You become a wet blanket.

Smiling has become something foreign to you. You can’t enjoy outings with friends or your favorite hobbies anymore because there always seems to be something wrong with it.

Wet blankets are left behind for a reason; no one enjoys their company. For all of your loved ones’ sake, make an effort to be pleasant.

Even if you’re not enjoying yourself, remind yourself of why you did enjoy these people or this activity before, and perhaps, you’ll be able to enjoy it again.


If you notice, self-pity goes hand-in-hand with depression. If you notice tendencies of self-pity, consider talking to a friend, or getting professional help.

It could lead to worse mental health issues, and it’s wise to start the healing process early, before it grows into something even harder to overcome.

Image: iStock

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